My Prayer

For as long as I can remember I would pray to God to make me a better person, mother, sister, daughter and now wife. My journey felt like forever and it felt so-so hard. It was like walking in the dark, not knowing where I was going and not knowing when that part of my journey would end. Till this day God always amazes me, from what I can remember, He has always answered my prayers. The Lord works in mysterious ways so I don't even know when this part of my journey started. Maybe I was born for it? No, I feel like I was granted free will and God helped me along the way.
    I truly had to break in order to understand what I needed to do to be a stronger-better person for my family, my friends, the world and most importantly-myself. All of the values and beliefs I had, the ones that I knew instinctively, now I know definitively they are true. They've been proven so now they're not just gut feelings. The feelings that made me feel lost after I was broken. I was so confused, questioned everything...mainly myself. I grew up hating myself  for not being perfect, thinking I was not the perfect person God wanted me to be. I guess my dad was right, me being as successful as I am today is due to parental neglect. I still think that's a load of horse crap but, hey I am who I am, and all that crap did happen!
    I now understand that my consciousness has been around a lot longer than my physical body, and that my physical body is my child self. A child that I have to love, nurture and teach. Funny how gut feelings work, so this thought of having to re-teach my body to heal was on-point and confirmed by my therapist. The subject of poly vagal came up....I still don't understand the process well enough to describe it in medical terms but the gist of it is....our physiology has to be healed as well in order to fully heal psychologically. When we are born we have to learn and train our bodies to self-sooth, when we get broken or as the specialists would say "experience trauma" we have to retrain our bodies to self-sooth again.
    So now I'm on that part of the journey. Wish me luck!